James Drogan

Re An Extended Conversation with Dave

Let me set the stage for this. What follows is an edited conversation between Dave and me that was prompted, as you will soon see, by a simple inquiry on his part. This simple start blossomed into a rather rich dialogue which contains, as I see it, a number of points worthy of consideration, especially by that small cadre of my students who look in on droganbloggin from time to time.

Dave: November 7, 2007

"You there and swamped. Haven't had Drogan ping in a while."

Me: November 8, 2007

"Things are okay down here. I’m just busy on a number of fronts -- online class running, prepping for three spring classes, writing a paper for a February conference, kids coming down, Thanksgiving away, swing dance lessons with my bride (no demos available), governance activities at the college. I was looking for a bit of respite from all this. Mary and I think we’re both awfully busy (she just took a test for a certification in oncology and will be running the 5K Turkey Trot in Troy over the holiday) for a couple of people in their mid-60s.

And I don’t work the hours I once did; averaging 44 hours per week through the first 43 weeks of this year versus 53 hours per week last year. Part of this is a lot of down time during the weeks of surgery and recovery this year; part of it is thrill of the chase is not there like it used to be; part of it is I’m not running at the energy levels I once was.

Ever Onward.

Dave: November 11, 2007

"Sounds like things are going pretty well. Your last paragraph sparked off some associated thoughts. Not all at once either but a slow cascade with a little reflection.

1rst pass - an old Heinlein quote came to mind. "It's amazing how much the supposed wisdom of age resembles being too tired to care".

Could leave it there having implicitly agreed with your assessment but, while there's some real truth in the observation, it struck me that more is involved. Partly my own experiences and partly others, including watching yours. To wit - I haven't noticed any serious diminuation in your energy levels (btw is formal hours the best or only metric ?). So 2nd pass - been there, done that. After a sufficient level of experience with banging your head against the wall and tilting at windmills one gets more than a little jaded. Is that being tired or getting jaded ? The Aging Hero Syndrome - among combat vets the ones with real panic in their eyes are the ones headed into their 2nd big fight. Imagine the aging war hero with all the medals and fights then who's headed into his 10th or 20th and knows what this'll cost. Drums, bugles and flags work for a while, possibly a long while but eventually you get smart about the consequences and chances of sucess. Then it gets really hard to summon up the "energy" to attack another problem when experiences tells you that it's going to be hard, frustrating and likely futile. Finding a way to summon the minimal energy becomes the challenge.

3rs pass - my deepest reflection, perhaps the most profound (at least relatively) is that one's priorities shift, a lot. From getting in the fight, winning, conquering challenges, making a difference, whatever to more personal, or even spiritual, goals. Whatever form they might take. After you've done all the youthful and inexperienced things you shift to wanting to make a difference for at least some wider constituency. Then to make a contribution. Finally, after having done that, it seems to me you settle back into the most fundamental concerns.

Not sure how to describe it but maybe, "what's your ground" is a start. That is what you do you value, appreciate and savor ? What things do you appreciate and take satisfaction in. Can you learn to notice and then become aware of and then appreciate a poem, a sunset, a symphony, a good piece of work, your friends ? Some folks never leave the first stage and that's fine for them. More power to them and whatever drives them. More folks lead rich and productive lives focued on their contributions,their civic responsiblities so to speak and live out their lives focused on pursuing that sort of accomplishment.

But eventually, given long enough and enough achieved, all individually defined and experienced, you come to these simpler, harder and deeper questions.

A last observation - it seems to me that you've developed a profound satisfaction and commitment to teaching your students as best you can. And not just about the technician's view of the world but about the broader and deeper issues they need to learn. That would fit the model perhaps ?

Me: November 12, 2007

"This is perhaps one of the best – clear, compelling, insightful, provocative – bits you have ever written.

I would like, with your approval and some editing, to post this exchange on my blog. There are some who tune in to droganbloggin on a regular basis that might find it of interest.

No, formal hours are not the best or only metric. And the mind, of course, never seems to really shut down. This reminds me of a few lines from an article in the New York Times regarding Edward Albee (“Albee the Enigma, Now the Inescapable,” Jesse Green, November 11, 2002).

‘It would certainly be hard to imagine a less romantic description of the writing process: One day he finds himself “knocked up” with a play that had been gestating unbeknownst. Then he merely “delivers” or transcribes it, pretty much intact.’

I sometimes think that’s how my mind works, brooding and musing in the background, then the words come out. That time is never counted in the formal hours.

I’ve often said that all that matters is to be invited back to fight the next battle. If that happens, then everything else – money, reputation, opportunities – seems to take care of itself.

So, the metric that counts for me is being invited back.

Heinlein’s quote is quite something, isn’t it? As I have gotten older, there seems to be a declining number of really important things. Yet, I never was as interested in aspects of foreign policy, economics, and sociology as I am today. Perhaps this represents the recasting of old issues in new, for me, paradigms. Be that as it may, one can enjoy the taste and aroma of the wine as well as its provenance. I think I’ll just enjoy the taste and aroma. Sinatra’s A Very Good Year suddenly comes to mind. I Did It My Way follows right behind.

I’m not bemoaning my lot in life. All things considered, I have had and will continue to have a pretty good life. I need to learn to say no a bit more often and, as Kipling said, “….meet with Triumph and Disaster And treat those two impostors just the same;”

Teaching is my focus at the moment and, as you point out, I find in it a great deal of satisfaction. I have three classes next term, one of which is Logistics within Supply Chain Management and will be in the classroom. I don’t mind teaching distance learning, but my real satisfaction is watching the lights come on in the student’s minds in the classroom. Somewhat orgasmic, if you’ll pardon the use of the word in this context.

Your take on “…part of it is thrill of the chase is not there like it used to be; part of it is I’m not running at the energy levels I once was.” is likely dead on. The days of Sisyphean tasks are about to end.

The end of this conversation between two middle-aged guys.